4 Long Year...but 4 Wonderful Months

Today is his day...Beckett's birthday.  I thought I would be having another break down and I am not.  Does that mean I am healing?  I guess somewhat.  Or maybe I am just better at hiding or pushing away the pain.  

I can definitely see a difference this year...last year on March 1 I was a mess.  I remember talking to someone and they mentioned that it was March 1st and I started crying hysterically because it meant I was so close to his day and I wasn't able to deal with it.  This year...I have been fine for the most part BUT once April 1st happened I have just been sad.  Disconnected.  From everyone and life.  It is easier for me to avoid what was coming up so fast.  It was easy until today.  I miss my baby.  Realizing that I have missed 4 years is hard to swallow and to think that I have many, many more birthdays to go through without him.  

Even though I am definitely handling this birthday MUCH better than the last 3 years the pain is still there.  I see him in my mind all the time.  The other day a memory came back to me about the the weekend before he died.  It was Tatum's turn to go pick out her new school supplies for Kindergarten and we took Beckett with us.  I remember looking in my rear view mirror smiling at Tatum as she sat by Beckett.  I remember pushing him around in the cart at Target as Tatum picked out her supplies.  That memory has been so vivid lately.  Not such an exciting or "wow-ed" moment BUT it is another small memory that I have of my sweet baby.  

I so badly want to know what he would be like right now.  I can't even imagine it because I feel like I wouldn't imagine him right.  I want to hear his voice...see his smile.  

So I am going to go watch his videos...and I know I amgoing to cry uncontrollably but I need to see him.  I haven't watched his videos in 2 years.  Terrible I know.  I just couldn't handle it.  It was painfully hard.  I couldn't keep doing it to myself to watch his videos because I would spend days after in denial that he was gone and begging for him back.  

I think I am now ready to watch him.  Not that I wont be a complete mess but I feel like I just need to...

HAPPY BIRTHDAY MR. BOO

Dear My Sweet Boy,

Another year gone.  Time is flying by and I still can't believe that you blessed our life 4 years ago.  I wish things would have been different and you would be here...to see what our family would be like not having to go through losing you.  It has left a big empty space that we all try to fill in some way but of course it wont ever be fully filled or healed until we are with you again.  

We haven't gone to your grave in a long time.  I just can't go anymore.  It makes me sad, it makes reality real.  I finally came to the acceptance that you didn't care if we visited your grave or not.  The fact that I think about you every second of every day...that I still talk about you consistently with everyone...hold your blanket that your baby brother uses to see if I could maybe smell you (knowing that I wont) and sharing your memory with strangers is all that matters.  

You will always be such a HUGE part of our family.  Your memory lives on through each one of us.  Tatum shared your life with her class a few weeks ago and was so proud to tell them about you and show them pictures.  4 years later and it is like you were here yesterday.  I know it will always stay that way, we will always remember.

Today as we let your balloons go know that if we could bring them to you ourselves we would.  We would all give ANYTHING to have you back.

Love,

Mommy 

More Pics from Flood 2013, Cal-Wood and News Article

I got some pictures from other parents, teachers, etc.

These pictures are just amazing...

Other pictures from the media OR pictures Jed took while at work.
Crazy!!







 
Someone took this pictures while flying over boulder during the flood - amazing!

Daily Camer Article

Fifth-graders stranded at Cal-Wood near Jamestown return to
Louisville
By Alicia Wallace, Camera Staff Writer Boulder Daily Camera

LOUISVILLE -- The evacuations of people from Boulder County mountain communities continued today
and included more than 85 children and 14 adults who were airlifted after being stranded at the Cal-Wood
Education Center near Jamestown.
The group of Fireside Elementary fifth-graders and 14 adults were airlifted by Chinook helicopters and
flown to Boulder Municipal Airport, then bused to the Louisville elementary school at 845 W. Dahlia St.
where parents, friends and family awaited.
The group was at Cal-Wood for an outdoor education session, but was stranded after flood waters
compromised the roads Wednesday night. The group had access to shelter, sanitation, heat and food,
said Briggs Gamblin, spokesman for Boulder Valley School District.
As Parker Wolf stood next to his parents on the lawn of Fireside, the 10-year-old closed his eyes, exhaled
and gave a big smile.
"I'm so happy," Parker said.
Parker, whose "I went to Cal-Wood with my school" shirt was modified with a marker to say "I survived
Cal-Wood with my school," said the experience was not scary and he and others were able to do some
hiking in the rain.
The best part about the ordeal, he added, was riding the dual-rotor Chinook to Boulder.
Paige Kirkman, whose daughter Marin was among the Cal-Wood evacuees, expressed joy that her
daughter was home.
"I knew that they were in good hands," Kirkman said, noting the parent volunteers and staff members. "I
just kept thinking that, 'They're in good hands; they're safe.'"
"Plus, the kids got a helicopter ride."
The National Guard so far has evacuated about 150 people out of Jamestown by helicopter and was
continuing to use trucks to evacuate about 2,500 people out of Lyons. The two towns have been cut off
from help in the early days of the flood.
Boulder County Sheriff Joe Pelle said that among those evacuated from Lyons on Friday were a young
couple expecting a baby. The woman's water broke at 10:30 p.m. Friday night, shortly after crews were
able to get her evacuated.
"There are some personal stories that came out of this that make this very, very rewarding," Pelle said of
the evacuation efforts.
http://www.dailycamera.com/news/boulder-flood/ci_24096061/boulder-county-flood-2013-stranded-residents-schoolchildren-rescued
Page 2 of 2 Sep 14, 2013 05:33:40PM MDT
Responders on Friday were using at least 12 aircraft -- including Black Hawk and Chinook helicopters -- to
retrieve people from the Jamestown area and to perform reconnaissance, said Dan Dallas, incident
commander of the Rocky Mountain Area Type II Incident Management team dispatched to Boulder
County.
About 200 people across Boulder County were unaccounted for -- meaning their family or friends have not
been able to make contact, Pelle said.

Football and Cheer Season 2013 Pirates

Football

Cheerleading